why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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