Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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