I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
there is puke in my bra ... again
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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