Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
