Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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