I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
