i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
