im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
