i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
