Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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