i jhust puked up my retainher.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
