The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
