the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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