went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
