Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
