Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
