All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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