Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
