He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
