Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
