the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
