we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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