I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Congratulations! We have a period
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