The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
