White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
