Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize