Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
