i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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