When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize