Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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