i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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