Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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