i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize