I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize