when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
