I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize