Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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