my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
