My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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