apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
