3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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