You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
