3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I love having hate sex.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My bed smells like the plague
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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