sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
