I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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