So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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