i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
