ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
