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listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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