the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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