I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
