I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
