Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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