we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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