I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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