Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
