the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
