i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
