I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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