I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
