I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
