a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
