you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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