I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
