Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
