I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
